I stop breathing when I even read the word. Fail. It’s not allowed. Something in me shores up and says “Salvage it. Salvage it at all costs.” My breath stops short and I crinkle my brow. It has to be good. It has to be great. It has to be whole. It has to fly, run, soar. I’m the task master, the precise conductor, the tyrannical director of my life. Do it right. Do it well. Don’t disappoint. Show up strong. Don’t crack. And don’t let anyone know if you feel the ship is sinking.

But here now,with you, I’m going to invite myself into a warehouse. It looks like the one in the movie Flashdance — the one which, the moment I saw it those many years ago, made my heart melt with longing. Someday I would live there. Someday I would dive in — in my solitude — dive in to CREATE. So, let’s go into that warehouse which already makes me feel a little soft and quivery.

Let it be empty. Sure, throw in the ballet bar where Jennifer Beals practiced night and day. But other than that, let the walls be white. Maybe a few huge pillows on the floor. Oh and let there be boxes and boxes of empty books and canvases and paints and pens and chalk and markers and amazing images for collage and glue. And come in with me as I start writing on the walls. Let there be a ladder so I can climb up and write high. Let me cross things out with flair and start again and let the remnants of what didn't work have a place in the grand design.

Come with me as we sit on the floor and scribble. Or maybe let’s finger paint, hand paint, paint all over every bare part of our bodies. Let’s roll around in it. Let’s even get it in our hair and then forget about what most everyone would call the canvas. Let’s see what happens then.

Oh and let’s turn the music up. Loud. Let’s sing. Let’s dance between stanzas on the wall or paint on the floor. Let’s take a nap in the middle of the mess.

Let’s not say “Oh I love that. That’s cool. Oh how beautiful.” Let’s just sit with whatever we create like its a friend who we love that sometimes drives us crazy. We’ll always hang out. We don’t need to make a big deal about it. We just need to hang out and say something every now and then. Sometimes what we talk about will be stupid and boring but we’ll just talk ourselves out and then eat a big grilled cheese — maybe a brie grilled cheese with red grapes and thick bread and we’ll forget what we just did or said because the grilled cheese will be so gooey and good.

I want to hang out in my Flashdance Warehouse a lot more often. And maybe put on that ridiculous welding mask she wore so we would all think how incredibly cool she was — but now it would just be ridiculous. It would be good for me to just be ridiculous and say whatever comes to mind without the need to be wise or calm or perceptive-- just sloppy and nerdy and still talking about Flashdance 30 years later.

I want vast amounts of space to fail and flail and dance and rage and then just laugh goofily like all that dark wild flinging is just another drop in the bucket. Why do we take it all so seriously anyway? I just want to fail and flail, loosey-goosey, gorgeous messy, happy happy happy.

Big love to you, Heidi Rose



Friends,

The Sun moves into Virgo today, August 22nd at 9:38 am pacific time. Virgo is an earth sign —practical, analytical and meticulous. It is also the sign that rules right work and true service. In other words, it is a sign under which we find and explore our truest devotion. A Virgo knows how to work from morning to night. But the refinement of the Virgo energy requires that the work done is work infused with the heart’s devotion and purpose.

Give a Virgo a physical task to accomplish and she will accomplish it with efficiency, speed and precision. But this efficiency could also be completely devoid of feeling. The opportunity of Virgo is to allow everything and everyone we touch to be changed for the better as a result of that touch.

I remember the day my beloved friend and teacher, Sofia Diaz, said that our hands are extensions of our heart, that our fingers are like paint brushes for the love we can extend. It blew my mind and made all the feeling sense in the world. When we close our open palm into a fist, we close off the flow of loving energy streaming through our heart to our hands. An open palm in a hand shake or touch is an extension of goodwill, love, offering.

During Virgo, we all have an opportunity to think about TOUCH. What and how do you want to touch? Can you imagine touching everything in the world as if you were touching a baby or someone you loved beyond measure? Can you imagine extending that degree of love to inanimate and animate objects alike?

What about our thoughts? Virgo brings extraordinary intelligence as one of its gifts. What does Intelligent love look like? Or loving intelligence? Can our thoughts touch or reach others with greater care, devotion or compassion? One of the great traps for those of us with strong Virgo energy is a strong critical or judgmental eye. Virgo knows what needs to be fixed and how to fix it. But the fixing must be purposeful and in the name of a greater good or it simply becomes an obsessive exercise in cleaning and organizing the material world.

Don’t get me wrong. Health, cleanliness and order are deeply important in our world. But it’s easy, under Virgo, to lose sight of why we do what we do. At the deepest level and in the name of the greatest good, what can we help to perfect or purify? How can we lovingly help another to be more healthy— physically, emotionally or mentally? How can we refine without harshly criticizing (internally or externally)?

How can we touch the world with our thoughts, feelings or very hands with greater compassion and feeling?

Take a day and pay attention to how you touch everything. Notice how you feel when you touch. Choose to touch in a new way. When you go to sleep tonight or wake up tomorrow, take your own hands and cover every inch of your own body with your own heart’s love — as if you were painting a great canvas of care.

Be. In. Love.

Heidi Rose

********************************************** I Come Home Wanting To Touch Everyone Stephen Dunn

The dogs greet me, I descend into their world of fur and tongues and then my wife and I embrace as if we’d just closed the door in a motel, our two girls slip in between us and we’re all saying each other’s names and the dogs Buster and Sundown are on their hind legs, people-style, seeking more love. I’ve come home wanting to touch everyone, everything; usually I turn the key and they’re all lost in food or homework, even the dogs are preoccupied with themselves, I desire only to ease back in, the mail, a drink, but tonight the body-hungers have sent out their long-range signals or love itself has risen from its squalor of neglect. Every time the kids turn their backs I touch my wife’s breasts and when she checks the dinner the unfriendly cat on the dishwasher wants to rub heads, starts to speak with his little motor and violin– everything, everyone is intelligible in the language of touch, and we sit down to dinner inarticulate as blood, all difficulties postponed because the weather is so good.

#astrology #virgo


The Sun moves into Cancer today June 20th, 2016 at 3:34 pm. We need it. Cancer initiates compassion and asks us all to tend to our own ‘lighted house.’ Part of the challenge or opportunity of Cancer is learning to check our own reactivity and offer an authentic but less charged, intelligent response. The phrase for Cancer is “I build a lighted house and therein dwell.” That is the responsibility for each of us during this time. We are called to transform our own darkness or at least to put a candle in the middle of it all and tend to the flame. Our bodies, our homes cannot be packed with the past. We cannot store what has been outlived. We need to make the temples of our bodies, the temples of our homes and the temple of this planet a much, much lighter place.

Look, I know this is a tall order and may even seem abstract or overwhelming. Even as I write this I feel grumpy, hot and a tad resentful. My son just convinced me to buy him a Lego set I was determined not to buy so I feel like a pushover. We don’t have anything planned for today and that makes me feel agitated and like I’m wasting time. I put on shorts this morning and thought, “My God, what has happened to my once young legs?” I am not in a particularly evolved place as I am writing to you. But that’s the opportunity.

If Cancer is a sign that rules the ability to respond with compassion, it might be a good place to begin with ourselves. We have to be forgiving of our own imperfections. As long as we have the impulse to be kinder or tend to others in any way that uplifts, inspires or hands-on help them take another step, then it just doesn’t matter how imperfect we are. We use what we’ve got and we step out into the light of day (again and again) to make a difference.

Under Cancer, we cannot hide in our houses. We have to make the Earth our home and improve it. What is your particular flavor of nourishment? Cancer nourishes. Do you teach? Do you create? Do you strive to solve the problems of homelessness or hunger? Do you write? Do you research? Do you care for those who can’t care for themselves?

If that all feels to much, do you smile at strangers? Do you converse with someone who looks like they need connection? Do you take a breath before you flip someone off or scream at them in your car? Then, do you maybe choose not to? What do you do? How do you want to care for the world and the people in it?

I don’t need to tell you that the world is in crisis. Most mornings, it feels too much to hold. Watching or listening to the news feels painful. But it can’t be ignored. It may feel insignificant to choose to be kind to your very self — or to quiet the destructive voices. But it’s not. Every violent thought, word, act ripples out into the world and disturbs and wounds this struggling planet. Then too, every kind word, nourishing gesture, small act of goodness ripples out as well as a healing balm. Please trust that what you do and think does not stop with the contours of your body. We are transmitters of energy and our choices are not stopped by time or space. We can send healing across the globe. Gloom travels and hides in crevices and corners.This is not a metaphor.

The planet Neptune is the Esoteric Ruler of Cancer. Neptune rules unconditional love. It rules the ideal, the beautiful, the true, the good. It carries a profoundly sensitive, boundary-less, all encompassing love that can bring healing to our planet. In its other extreme, it rules confusion, illusion, disorientation and the desire to escape. It brings such sensitivity that it is easy to want to hide from anything harsh or painful, to hide even from our own gifts.

But this is a time for clarity, for staying put and standing strong. We cannot check out. We each have to build our lighted house. That begins with the paying attention to the brilliant light that is your heart. We must seat ourselves at the center of our strength and move forward— inclusive, compassionate— leaving something lighter, more beautiful, kinder in our wake.

Poem for the sign of Cancer

The Vintage Man by Hafiz (Translated by Daniel Ladinsky)

The Difference Between a good artist And a great one

Is:

The novice will often lay down his tool

or brush

Then pick up an invisible club On the mind’s table

And helplessly smash the easels and Jade.

Whereas the vintage man No longer hurts himself or anyone

And keeps on Sculpting Light.

#astrology #cancer

© 2020 Heidi Rose Robbins

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